Being A Mother (writing to a prompt)
by Basha Hirschfeld
PROMPT
“I tried not to think of the detritus of a mother’s life laid out on card tables for sale, and no takers.”
~ “Yard Sale,” from What Comes Next and How to Like It by Abigail Thomas
I meet my daughter on her birthday
She grants me a half an hour
In her busy day.
Long enough for her to open my gift —
A necklace from my mother.
I know she will appreciate it,
Gold and coral beads strung together
With matching earrings.
My mother’s treasures passed on
To my daughter.
I don’t need them anymore.
I never did.
I favored the folk art from the local crafts fair
And my daughter treasures gold and diamonds,
Like my mother did.
Where do we two meet? On what
Far flung shore do we share
What we both treasure.
I still value the photo of us
Dancing to that music in our old living room.
Goofing off together —
Never happens anymore.
My mother called me sometimes in her last years
To tell me she was lonely.
I didn’t know what to do.
And now it’s my turn to ask my daughter
For her precious time.
She asks me how are you
And doesn’t really wait to hear my answer.
“Not so well,” I say
Secretly thinking not so far from death
And yet you don’t know me at all.
How lonely to be a mother
First you have no life
Separate from the children —
You give it all to them,
Your body your breasts your care.
Then later you stay tuned in to them,
Even when they don’t want you to,
Because their very life depends on
Your vigilance,
You can’t go freely off on your own
You must always check that they are
Somewhere safe, nearby
And not getting into too much trouble.
And then they have their lives,
Their family, their own concerns
And you become invisible —
Now finally you can pursue your dreams
You can teach you can write or make movies
Or organize your memories.
Now finally
Not only don’t they need you,
They don’t want you
In their lives
Intruding and
Interfering in
Their process.
And you say, “Don’t you want to know
Who I am?”
And there is an emptiness
No one else can fill
I keep that space open and waiting
For you.
